God restores those who return to him

The Y on the 4th of July. Awesome day.

<sup>Since my last blog post, I've learned first hand how awesome and faithful God is when you come to him desperately.

After figuring out what was distressing me over the few weeks preceding my last post, I heard God calling me to rest in him and allow him to fill me up and restore me. Through that, He put this verse on my heart:
 
Psalm 23:1-3

1</sup> The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
²     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake. 

This verse has spoken so much to me in the past week. I didn't even remember the reference when I was thinking about it, I just knew the part about leading me beside quiet waters and refreshing my soul. That's exactly what God did for me over the past week.

Since I felt God calling me to rest in Him, I basically took four days to spend a lot of time alone with God, reading, praying and waiting expectantly to be filled up by him again. I'm not one to usually do a thing like this, but I certainly did learn the value of it when God showed some of his basic truths to me again. 

It's amazing to me how dumb we as humans can be. How can I forget that all I need is God's love to be sustained? That is something I have known for years, but in a moment of a trial, it is easy to forget in your heart for some reason. That's what happened to me this week. Through reading and being still to listen to God, he revealed those truths to me and really showed me how he loves me individually.

I'm learning how it's tougher than most people think to be in a leadership position in a church. There are a lot of outside pressures. The pressure to serve everyone in your group effectively is quite draining, but there is no doubt that I'm learning on the job and enjoying what God has taught me this summer. 

Continue to pray for all of us out here as we are all feeling some cabin fever and anxiousness to return home and back to our campuses. We just want to make sure that everyone makes the most of this awesome opportunity and grows as closely to God as possible so we can be as effective as possible when we get back on campus.

Thanks for all your support, everyone!

Spiritual dryness

It was a rainy week in Estes, too, which could be affecting everyone's mood!

So it seems like we're getting to that point in LT where everyone is tired, getting tired of being around the same people all the time and basically everyone just feels like they want to go home. Guess what? I'm feeling the same way. Just cause I'm an intern and just because I didn't go through that at all last year doesn't mean I'm immune from these feelings all the time!

This is part of the reason I didn't blog last week. I couldn't find the energy or the motivation to do so and I feel like I'm just kind of treading water right now. It's no fun.

Through this dry spot, I have felt God calling me to keep pushing on and persevering so I can see beautiful fruit at the end of the summer, but I honestly have no energy or desire to do that. It sucks because I know time at LT is precious and I need to take advantage of it, but every part of me is having a hard time desiring to be close to God. That sounds terrible, but a relationship is not always perfect, even with our Lord. Please pray that I can get over this spiritual low and that I can allow God to fill me up again as soon as possible.

The trial has allowed me to take the last couple of days to try and think and process why I am feeling this way, but I can't really pin it down at all to any specific things. This is something I have really struggled with too: feeling bad or uneasy and not knowing why.

Still, through processing all of this, I think what God is trying to teach me is that everything in ministry will not always be fun and games. That should be an obvious fact of life for me, but experiencing it so strongly here at LT while doing ministry work is giving me a good image of what to expect for a full-time staff member.

That's exactly what I wanted from this internship. I wanted to gain a full and clear picture of what full-time ministry could look like for me, both good and bad.

I don't want to be dishonest with anyone and tell everyone that it's all going great out here, but I don't want anyone to think that it has been a terrible last couple of weeks for me either. I've had some great project days, I got to hang out with my girlfriend, Irene, and there has been some awesome spiritual growth out here to watch! LT is still a great thing and I wouldn't rather be anywhere else for this whole summer.

I hope to post a more encouraging update next week!!

This year's struggle

Over two weeks in and I feel like this summer has been the exact opposite of last year's summer in many ways thus far. 

Social Life

First Rockies game of the year! "We" won 13-3

As an intern this year, my schedule is so flexible that I've had all the time in the world to hang out with whoever I want whenever they are available. I can adjust my work around when other people are available. I also no longer have to sit in the Rustic Cafe and watch my friends play card games and have a great time while I'm stuck at work. That's awesome for me because that was the hardest part of my summer last year. Now there is no excuse for me not to make deep relationships with everyone that God puts in my life.

The bad thing with not working at the Y, though, is that I'm having a hard time meeting non-LTers, especially since the Y put basically all of LT into one dorm by ourselves. Having a community with non-believers is one thing we really need to be able to reach out to people at the Y. It is hard for me specifically because I don't work or live with any of them. Pray that I am still able to find and seek out non-believers and share my faith with them

Time

Another huge difference for me this year has been how I spend my time. Last year, I had just become aware of my desperate need for personal growth and an understanding of God's love. While I'm still desperate for that (as every Christian should be), my job with GCM has made me turn my main focus outward to the students involved with LT. 

This desire isn't an inherently bad thing. Focusing on helping others improve their walks with God is a much needed thing and it's the thing that excites me most in life. I can't tell you how many times I've caught myself just smiling uncontrollably while listening to people talk about how much they have grown at LT so far. I desire to see that in everyone who has a budding relationship with Christ and that's what makes me think I want to do this full-time!

I'm still learning how to find the appropriate balance between spending time with others and building into them and spending time with God and allowing him to build into me.

Relationship with God

Sweet moonrise over Twin Sisters

Over the first week of LT, I basically neglected my relationship with God because of the hectic nature of the start of the program and because I think deep down I was starting to believe that I didn't need to focus on myself or my walk with God. Obviously that was dumb.

Through that trial, I've learned that the best way to be a good leader in a church setting is to set a great example of a fully-loving relationship with God for the people I am leading.

 

Like I've said before, my goal for the summer is to more fully understand Jesus' life and realize with my heart why God is worthy of my eternal praise.

 

Since that first week, I have been reading through various passages in the New Testament, but I'm mainly focusing on the Gospels, starting with Matthew. In reading and studying these chapters (with my new ESV Study Bible! Woo!) I am coming to a fuller understanding of who Jesus was and how his story and life connect so beautifully with what was prophecized in the Old Testament.

 

As far as the second goal, I have been in a constant state of joy and wonder so far this summer, rejoicing in what God is doing in my project group and in my life in general, which has certainly given me more reason to praise Him and realize his overwhelming power. Obviously, there is a long way to go in this goal and I'm sure I'll never be done learning!

Thanks for all your prayers and support!

A completely different experience

YMCA kids in front of my favorite mountains in the Park

I've made it back to Estes Park and I'm already getting settled in to my new role here as a GCM intern. Working with the five other interns has been a great blessing so far, especially since I knew four of them fairly well because of interactions at last year's LT. Going through this process together with them will only make this experience that much better.

At the beginning of last year's LT, I had no idea why I was here and what God wanted to do with me during the summer, but this year is the complete opposite. God showed me that I should come back to Estes Park as an intern to find out if full-time college ministry is the career path that I should be focused on when August comes around.

I'd have to say after being here less than a week that God is making it pretty clear that I would thoroughly enjoy being on a church's staff, I have the passion to do a great job at it and I also have some skills that could be used to further His kingdom. Hopefully it will stay that clear the rest of the summer, but whatever God decides to do is fine with me!

Staff Training

Team-building exercises on the first day of staff training

The first two full days that I spent in Estes were mostly filled doing really useful staff training with the rest of the interns and GCM pastors/staff from the 7 campuses that are participating in LT this year. 

A good friend (Robbie) of John Drage (my pastor at Mizzou and the director of LT) came and did some team-building exercises with us that were really relevant to our team. We'll be working together a lot this summer, so it was good to get to know each other a little more and do some activities that helped us find out more about the strengths and weaknesses of each member of the team. Robbie also helped relate all of our struggles and triumphs to how we will be trying to affect people for the Lord that aren't involved in the LT program. It was inspiring, to say the least!

We also did a bunch of other administrative training like how to work as a project leader/coach, but it was just generally good to meet all the people that will be making this program run and actually get to work on what we have been looking forward to for the last 9 months.

Everyone arrives!

LTers have been trickling in for the better part of the last week, but yesterday was the big day where the majority of LTers showed up and got settled in. LT officially started for me when I saw my friends Steven, Elena and Allie show up ready and excited to get the summer going. I can't tell you how excited I am for all my friends from Mizzou to have the same awesome experience I had at my first LT last year!

Last night we got to meet our co-project leaders and the life group leaders and I have to say that pumped me up even more! I'm stoked that Kirstin Schulz, a staffer from Mizzou, will be coaching my project group. If I want to go on staff at Mizzou, it will be valuable to have a good working relationship with some of the current staffers there. It was also good to finally put a face to the names of the students who I'll be leading our small group with. They all seem awesome and I'm sure they all love the Lord a lot, so I'm sure we'll be #doingwork all summer long! We are going to meet the rest of the group at 5 p.m. today, so be praying for us in that!

Overall, God has been doing some awesome work in the first couple of days that the staff has been here. I feel way more prepared to lead a project group now and the excitement keeps building for the program to get started. I've also read an entire book and hiked a mountain already too, so it hasn't all been hard work for me yet! I plan on working as hard as I can this summer, but rest is definitely needed, especially in a beautiful place like this.

I'll probably write another update after our first project day, which will be on Monday, May 28. A LOT of prayers are appreciated for that day because project groups are where the biggest growth in LTers (and even staff) occurs. Thanks for your support and prayers! They are all appreciated more than you'll ever know.

Goals for #LT2012

I’m sitting in Kansas (boo!) getting ready to make the last leg of my 2-day trip back to Colorado for the summer and I was thinking that I should make another goals list like I did last summer and at the beginning of the school year. It’s fun looking back at those posts and seeing how God worked through me in the summer and in my Canvas Group this year, so I want to be able to do that after my internship at Colorado LT 2012 is over in August.

Here's my five goals:

1. The main goal that I have for the summer (and every Christian should have at all times!) is to improve my personal relationship with God. I want to concentrate this relationship during the summer on gaining a better understanding of His word. I just finished reading the Bible in a year, but I want to dive back into it even more to study the meaning and the connectedness of the Old and New Testament. With constant study of the Bible, it will be on the top of my mind more often and I will be able to use specific references when evangelizing to friends and strangers.
2. Another big goal I have for the summer that can’t really be properly measured (oh well) is to effectively lead my project group. As an intern, one of my duties is to co-lead a group of 15 LT participants in activities for one full off-day together. It’s our biggest opportunity for a tight community and me and my co-leader will be responsible for creating that good sense of community. I have to be diligent and persistent, especially at the beginning of the summer in creating the community and I’ve never done anything like this before so it will be a big challenge, but I’m sure God will show me the way!
3. As an intern, I’ll be working 40 hours a week for GCM instead of for the YMCA, so I will have a lot more opportunity to direct parts of the church program instead of being distracted with food service stuff (PTL). So another goal that I have is to be willing and able to do anything the staff needs me to do to make the program run better. That goes into my next goal, which is…
4. I want to figure out if going on staff with a college church is what God wants from me after the summer. This idea was presented to me during the course of LT last year and I have been motivated all year long to work in order to find out if I am a good fit for a college staff. My passion for this possible job hasn’t waned over the past year, but has gotten even more intense. So I’ve got to sell out 100% to my internship to see if I could do it full time. A lot of prayer is appreciated here.
5. And finally, a goal I won’t have any problem reaching: have fun! The mountains in Colorado are great and the community of believers is awesome. Nothing better than a summer with people chasing God and being awesome! I can’t wait to get there later today!

 If you want to get more updates on my summer, keep checking this blog because I'm gonna make a good effort to update it weekly! I can't wait to see what God does with my summer and everyone I come in contact with out in Colorado.

Finding TRUE and EVERLASTING joy

Before last school year, I was living a life that I thought was normal, happy and above average. I had cool friends, most people that I met liked me, I had things that made me joyful and I felt like I was a nice person overall. What wasn’t to like? Some things weren’t perfect, but I thought that was normal and that I had to deal with my problems on my own.

I had attended the Rock (a campus ministry at Mizzou) a couple times in my first two years on campus, but I never dedicated myself to a canvas group (small group that hangs out all the time but only officially meets once a week) or attended the service on a regular basis.

After two years, I figured I needed something to change. There was something more than just sitting around, enjoying sports, hanging out with friends and being lazy. At the beginning of my junior year, I had a passion set on my heart to be more connected to the Rock, so I dove in, not fully knowing what to expect.

What I was exposed to changed the plan of my life forever. I saw people my age actually perusing a PERSONAL relationship with God. What the crap? I had never seen so many people united for one common goal: to know the creator of the universe as well as they possibly could.

I was hooked. I attended the annual fall retreat and got super involved in the Mark Twain Canvas Group (represent!). I kept falling more and more in love with the people in the group and more importantly, with God. I had always had the knowledge that God loved me, but I never really experienced it fully or personally.

This newfound passion for my faith helped me decide to attend LT this summer. If you’ve been following my life at all, you know what LT is all about, but I’ll explain it again anyways.

It’s basically a summer camp where we have to work 40 hour a week jobs, get in a canvas group-like group with people from other schools (Texas A&M, UNT, Kent State, Bowling Green, Ohio St., Harding (!), etc.), grow in our faith and get more comfortable with sharing it.

Talk about one of the better decisions of my life. LT is held in Estes Park, Colorado, which is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. I’ve been able to hike so many mountains (35 miles so far!) while experiencing great summer weather for the first time ever.

Don’t let this beautiful weather and awesome attitude about the summer I am having make it seem like my life is now really easy and simple. That is so far from the truth. My life is just like anyone else’s: one with pain, sadness, loneliness, etc.

There is a running joke that LT also stands for “Lots of Trials. I have found this out to be true this summer, but I now know that through the trials, I have God’s joy, love and mercy to fall back on. What a great gift that anyone can receive with no strings attached!

I was motivated to blog this afternoon by all the love I have continually received from God’s people here in Colorado. I’ve never been involved a group that cares so much about each other or about their relationship with God. It is truly a beautiful thing that makes me smile whenever I think about it or experience it.

I may have seemed like a good Christian boy my first two years of college, following the rules and doing all the right things, but I never experienced God’s love and joy until this year. I want everyone to feel that joy now! I can’t wait to get back to school in the fall and help everyone I encounter experience God’s love.

I’ve got more topics to blog about, so hopefully I can get to those soon. Love you guys!

First Impressions

Well, now that I've been in Colorado for just over 24 hours (that's it?), I thought it'd be good to update everyone on how things are going. (Check out my Facebook for some pictures!)

After some complications on our second day of travel (sickness and a damaged front bumper at a gas station in Kansas), we arrived in almost one piece in beautiful Estes Park, Colorado at around 4:30 MT.

The scenery in Colorado is certainly awe-inspiring, as advertised. We are surrounded by snow capped mountains and as we were driving in, we saw three fully grown elk just kinda chillin by the side of the main road at the YMCA. I'm gonna have to get used to that, I guess! Even though it has been a bit rainy and cold here for the first couple of days, it's still just awesome to look around and see how great God's creation really is.

I have been really excited to come to Colorado for the last couple of months, but the first 24 hours have kind of been an up and down emotional experience for me.

Mostly, I'm confused because I have no clue why God sent me here. I feel in my heart that I am supposed to be here this summer, but He hasn't really shown me the specific reason why I am here yet. Maybe I'm here to make awesome friends, improve my evangelizing skills, push myself out of my comfort zone or grow really close to God. Heck, maybe it can be all of those.

I'm praying that God can show me how to best spend my time this summer. There are so many opportunities here which can make it kind of overwhelming, but I'm sure that there is a reason I am here and I trust that God will make this a very productive summer in preparation for my senior year.

Bt dubs, I just got back from the first meeting with my project group, which was fun. We ate dinner, heard a crazy story about some A&M people's car accident on the way to LT (everyone is safe!) and played some Catch Phrase. Our group is cool so far and I can't wait to see how God brings us together this summer!

Oh, I also found out that my official job for the summer will be working at the Rustic Cafe. It's kind of a Starbucks-type place on the YMCA grounds which seems like a nice place to work and was my most preferred job. PTL!