Spiritual dryness

It was a rainy week in Estes, too, which could be affecting everyone's mood!

So it seems like we're getting to that point in LT where everyone is tired, getting tired of being around the same people all the time and basically everyone just feels like they want to go home. Guess what? I'm feeling the same way. Just cause I'm an intern and just because I didn't go through that at all last year doesn't mean I'm immune from these feelings all the time!

This is part of the reason I didn't blog last week. I couldn't find the energy or the motivation to do so and I feel like I'm just kind of treading water right now. It's no fun.

Through this dry spot, I have felt God calling me to keep pushing on and persevering so I can see beautiful fruit at the end of the summer, but I honestly have no energy or desire to do that. It sucks because I know time at LT is precious and I need to take advantage of it, but every part of me is having a hard time desiring to be close to God. That sounds terrible, but a relationship is not always perfect, even with our Lord. Please pray that I can get over this spiritual low and that I can allow God to fill me up again as soon as possible.

The trial has allowed me to take the last couple of days to try and think and process why I am feeling this way, but I can't really pin it down at all to any specific things. This is something I have really struggled with too: feeling bad or uneasy and not knowing why.

Still, through processing all of this, I think what God is trying to teach me is that everything in ministry will not always be fun and games. That should be an obvious fact of life for me, but experiencing it so strongly here at LT while doing ministry work is giving me a good image of what to expect for a full-time staff member.

That's exactly what I wanted from this internship. I wanted to gain a full and clear picture of what full-time ministry could look like for me, both good and bad.

I don't want to be dishonest with anyone and tell everyone that it's all going great out here, but I don't want anyone to think that it has been a terrible last couple of weeks for me either. I've had some great project days, I got to hang out with my girlfriend, Irene, and there has been some awesome spiritual growth out here to watch! LT is still a great thing and I wouldn't rather be anywhere else for this whole summer.

I hope to post a more encouraging update next week!!

What I learned about myself this summer

Well, I’m sitting here only a couple of hours from leaving beautiful Estes Park, CO (it’s especially beautiful today, of course) and I’ve decided to blog about what I learned about myself as a person this summer.

I already discussed what I learned about God at LT, which was a lot, but I feel like I learned a lot about myself as well.

One of the themes of LT was “Chazown” which means “purpose” in Hebrew. We were all united in searching for God’s purpose for our lives. I was really interested in seeing if I could find out what to do after college, mainly because journalism is kind of running it’s course in my heart and I only have a year to really figure out what other options I have.

Even with this hope of finding a “Chazown”, I didn’t think God would put a certain passion on my heart that I could transform into a career or lifestyle, but hey, God always shows up when you don’t expect it.

Through one-on-one meetings, project days and everything else that went on here at LT, I have felt led to consider going on staff at GCM church after graduating.

I discovered that I have a passion for helping college students find and pursue God with all of their hearts. I really want to help people avoid going into a spiritual rut if they were Christians before coming to college and I want to help interested people come to know the Lord. College is a great place to do this.

Needless to say, this passion has really got me excited for the upcoming school year. I am ready to go back and #dowork in the Dobbs Canvas group for one final year.

The reason I know that this is a real passion of mine is that I can’t see myself finished helping at the college level after this year. That may be a bit of selfishness coming through (who really ever wants to leave college?), but I really think that I am built to relate with college students and I can’t wait to see what God has for me in that area.

For the first time, I actually feel ready to help lead people in their Christian walks. I have considered myself a Christian for my whole life, but I would have never felt comfortable sharing my faith, helping others through faith issues, etc. Now after LT, I am more than ready, which is another thing I have learned about myself: I am good enough to lead.

One other thing I learned about God is that he is always making me new. I blogged about this earlier, but coming into the summer I was thinking: “man, this has been a great semester of growth, what else is there for me to grow in?”

That was an obviously stupid thought, but God showed up in areas I didn’t know were problems and helped grow me in those areas. I now truly believe that God is continually making his followers new, which is ridiculously awesome.

During a quiet time today, I read Proverbs 11:26. It says this: “People curse the man who hoards grain, but blessing crowns him who is willing to sell. (NIV)”

If you apply this to spiritual growth, it makes complete sense for me going back to school.

All of the things I have learned about myself have been great and I have grown a ton, but what good will all that growth be if I didn’t pass it on? How can I help affect other’s walks with Christ?

There’s one thing I need to learn about myself in the coming year: how to balance building others up with getting built up myself. But that’s for another blog post (coming soon!)