What's wrong with me?

I’ve been meaning to blog for each of the past couple of days, but I never could find the right time to get all my thoughts down in an orderly fashion. Finally I have some time this afternoon, so here it is.

Everyone has been talking about how much they are enjoying LT so far. Celebrating how many awesome new friends they have made and how their experience is far surpassing their expectations in the first couple of weeks.

Sadly, I wouldn’t describe my experience in that way at all thus far. I desperately want to have a great time here while growing closer to God and learning how to be a leader in the church, but I just feel really disconnected to the LT program for some reason.

There have been a lot of activities that I have done in the last couple of weeks (three hikes in seven days, four putt-putt outings, an employee roller skating party, card games, etc.) but I somehow still don’t feel completely settled in. I have kept extremely busy and have done a lot of hanging around new people, but I can't escape this feeling of not fitting in.

First of all, I’m the only LT person working at the Rustic Café in the administration building, which has been both good and bad, but I can’t stop focusing on the bad parts of it.

The job requires me to work three nights per week, which has been a little depressing. Yeah, I get to sleep in a little bit and spend some time with God in the morning/afternoons on those days (which has been great for me), but everyone else who is working in housekeeping or food service with a lot of other LT people seem to be bonding a lot quicker with their co-workers and fellow LT’ers than I am. I feel like I'm being left behind and there is not a lot I can do to catch up.

Maybe God is trying to push me out of my comfort zone to make a better effort to bond with new people (something I wouldn’t consider myself good at). Maybe I’m just being lazy in trying to make new friends.I don’t know what it is, but hopefully my attitude will improve over the next couple of days.

I’m sitting here waiting to go to work from 2-10:30 tonight, getting depressed at the thought that I haven’t had a good human interaction with any LT person in the last 48 hours. Why is God doing this to me?

Please don’t think I’ve just been pouting and complaining the whole time I have been here, though. I have been enjoying myself a lot in the last week and a half, growing closer to a couple guys in my project/life group, but there is still this little feeling in the back of my mind that I can’t seem to ignore.

What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I make friends as quickly as others? Why can’t I have a good time when everyone else is? It’s just been so frustrating.

I guess I just need to accept the role I have been given here at LT and try to make the most of it. This summer is gonna be one of great growth, I just need to figure out how that is going to happen.